Welcome back!
I am home now, my foreign adventure all done. Since I've been home I've gone back to work, met with old friends, and of course, made the same old mistakes over and over. Cryptic? Well, I don't know how deep I'll get into things. I am not yet sure if sometimes things are just better left unsaid. So it is easier not to say them and think about it further.
My trip! I have been asked again and again, "How was your trip?" and I pretty much always answer the same way. "Amazing. It changed my life." And it did. I have grown so much as a person over those two months being away. I learned what I am capable of- anything! I learned how strong I am- unstoppable! I learned who I was again- Laura the Great.
I'm not trying to be cocky, really I'm not. I do think I am great though. I have faults, I do. I can be short-tempered sometimes, a little jealous, I can expect a lot from others, sometimes my attempts at humor then make me seem mean. I'm overweight- that's a big one for me. At those times when I am feeling low about myself, I really do believe my being fat makes me a little less than people who are "in shape". It is strange, I usually believe that we are all equals. Then once and a while I have those thoughts. Those shady, insidious thoughts that make you doubt all that you should know to be true. How do you conquer these thoughts? It is tough, but I weather it and keep telling myself not to believe those Ceti eels that want to control you.
Those burrowing doubts used to have such a hold over me. While away, I learned to ignore them better. I learned through meditation ways to take control and try to get them out of my thoughts. Sort of. I don't want to make it seem like I'm all Zen and enlightened. I did, however, learn some tips to help balance my mind. Yet still there are those few times when I am at their mercy. When I can't help but see myself as ugly, alone and worthless.
It's just a moment of weakness.
I happily returned to work the week after I got home. I work part time retail, and funny, I love it. I don't think it is a career option, but for now I feel great when I help a customer with a craft or art project, successfully help a birthday boy or girl have a fun party, or laugh and have a good time with my co workers. It is the pride of doing a job, any job, proudly, and doing it well. Sure, some days you just get a lot of cranky customers who make you question your own sanity, but most days are rewarding and fun and make you feel like you earned your wage. I am motivated and excited to keep working while in school, hopefully able to finally get the paper crafting classes successful, and earn some money to pay for my expenses.
I was so happy to see many of my friends when I got home. There was one friend in particular that I ended up falling into old habits with. But we all need to learn that things happen the way they happen, not because fate designates it but because we are all sentient creatures with agencies of our own. You can try to control things but you'll only make yourself miserable in the long run. So I am now back to my independent self, taking each day as it comes and concentrating on reaching my goals.
Have you heard the saying 'Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results?' It has been (mis) attributed to Einstein, Benjamin Franklin and even Mark Twain. Put aside the rather callous way it deals with mental illness, but the message it conveys rings true; it's pointless to keep making the same mistakes over and over.
That's all I'm going to say about that.
I made a really large purchase; I bought myself a new laptop. I super fancy high-end gaming laptop. It is going to allow to write, blog, make videos, edit photos, and of course, play games. Since I no longer have regular access to the 360 and (most importantly) the Final Fantasy XIV MMO is starting Aug 24, I needed a computer that could handle gaming. And now I own an Alienware 17 sexy piece of machinery. I'll post some pics later.
Anyway, that is my first post of my new blog. Actually, it is my second, but the first one will forever remain a draft, as it is self serving and spoiled and whiney and I just don't think it would do ANYONE any good to have it public, but I don't think I'm ready to just delete it yet. Draft. Excellent option.
Hope that you all enjoy the last of our summer,
Much love,
Laura
I am home now, my foreign adventure all done. Since I've been home I've gone back to work, met with old friends, and of course, made the same old mistakes over and over. Cryptic? Well, I don't know how deep I'll get into things. I am not yet sure if sometimes things are just better left unsaid. So it is easier not to say them and think about it further.
My trip! I have been asked again and again, "How was your trip?" and I pretty much always answer the same way. "Amazing. It changed my life." And it did. I have grown so much as a person over those two months being away. I learned what I am capable of- anything! I learned how strong I am- unstoppable! I learned who I was again- Laura the Great.
I'm not trying to be cocky, really I'm not. I do think I am great though. I have faults, I do. I can be short-tempered sometimes, a little jealous, I can expect a lot from others, sometimes my attempts at humor then make me seem mean. I'm overweight- that's a big one for me. At those times when I am feeling low about myself, I really do believe my being fat makes me a little less than people who are "in shape". It is strange, I usually believe that we are all equals. Then once and a while I have those thoughts. Those shady, insidious thoughts that make you doubt all that you should know to be true. How do you conquer these thoughts? It is tough, but I weather it and keep telling myself not to believe those Ceti eels that want to control you.
Those burrowing doubts used to have such a hold over me. While away, I learned to ignore them better. I learned through meditation ways to take control and try to get them out of my thoughts. Sort of. I don't want to make it seem like I'm all Zen and enlightened. I did, however, learn some tips to help balance my mind. Yet still there are those few times when I am at their mercy. When I can't help but see myself as ugly, alone and worthless.
It's just a moment of weakness.
I happily returned to work the week after I got home. I work part time retail, and funny, I love it. I don't think it is a career option, but for now I feel great when I help a customer with a craft or art project, successfully help a birthday boy or girl have a fun party, or laugh and have a good time with my co workers. It is the pride of doing a job, any job, proudly, and doing it well. Sure, some days you just get a lot of cranky customers who make you question your own sanity, but most days are rewarding and fun and make you feel like you earned your wage. I am motivated and excited to keep working while in school, hopefully able to finally get the paper crafting classes successful, and earn some money to pay for my expenses.
I was so happy to see many of my friends when I got home. There was one friend in particular that I ended up falling into old habits with. But we all need to learn that things happen the way they happen, not because fate designates it but because we are all sentient creatures with agencies of our own. You can try to control things but you'll only make yourself miserable in the long run. So I am now back to my independent self, taking each day as it comes and concentrating on reaching my goals.
Have you heard the saying 'Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results?' It has been (mis) attributed to Einstein, Benjamin Franklin and even Mark Twain. Put aside the rather callous way it deals with mental illness, but the message it conveys rings true; it's pointless to keep making the same mistakes over and over.
That's all I'm going to say about that.
I made a really large purchase; I bought myself a new laptop. I super fancy high-end gaming laptop. It is going to allow to write, blog, make videos, edit photos, and of course, play games. Since I no longer have regular access to the 360 and (most importantly) the Final Fantasy XIV MMO is starting Aug 24, I needed a computer that could handle gaming. And now I own an Alienware 17 sexy piece of machinery. I'll post some pics later.
Anyway, that is my first post of my new blog. Actually, it is my second, but the first one will forever remain a draft, as it is self serving and spoiled and whiney and I just don't think it would do ANYONE any good to have it public, but I don't think I'm ready to just delete it yet. Draft. Excellent option.
Hope that you all enjoy the last of our summer,
Much love,
Laura
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